I haven't posted much this month. It's really come down to health issues. My shoulder has been bothering me for years but has gotten really bad in the last few months. I finally had surgery last week. What does all of this have to do with anything?
Sometimes the hobby hurts. Physically hurts. For the last month, and especially, the last week, almost all hobby activity has been painful to perform. I can game, which may be part of why I'm so excited about X-Wing right now. I can't hold a brush, or a file. I can't hold two little pieces of plastic together while the glue sets. Most of the hobby is outside my reach, both figuratively and literally.
I spent a couple of days staring forlornly at the models on my desk. There's so much to do and I'm not accomplishing any of it. Then I started to consider how I would adjust if my temporary disability were permanent. What could I do to allow me to paint and assemble models? How would my collecting change if everything became harder? This was purely an exercise in "what if" since I am expecting to recover fully. It was really something to keep my mind occupied while I sat here and drooled on myself.
One result of all of this thought is a new found appreciation for all that I take for granted. It's good to have things taken away from us sometimes; it helps us realize what we have and what we value. The prospect of re-gaining full use of my right arm is something that fills me with great pleasure, above and beyond the hope of living without pain. I definitely find that I am a person who wants what they can't have. I'm surprised at the sense of loss I feel right now.
I am obsessive about miniatures and gaming. I think about them way more than I should. They have helped to keep me sane through many military deployments. I need to keep my brain actively engaged. I haven't watched TV in years and have a hard time sitting through a movie. Miniatures are the balm that soothes the savage beast, so to speak.
I'm going to wrap it up here, both because I'm sure this is rambling (stupid pain killers) and because typing hurts too. But I do have a question. What disabilities do you guys suffer from and how do you compensate? It could be as simple as failing eyesight or as difficult as a certain sculptor's missing hand. I'd be fascinated to hear all about it. Or are we all insufferably healthy?
A few years back I actually had a serious health issue that was close to taking my life. I couldn't focus on anything. Afterward my motor skills were shot to pieces, considering it was an issue with a faulty brain that wasn't a surprise. I found although I knew what I wanted to do with a brush I just couldn't do it. After the surgery was a nightmare for me, I've regained most of the function I lost, but I'll be honest. I think my painting skill has dropped a fair bit. I look at what I was painting 6 years ago to what I paint now and while it's not far off, it's not quite as neat. That's difficult for someone like me to deal with and accept.
ReplyDeleteThe other issue I've had throughout my entire life is dyslexia. Anyone who argues with me over rules will normally see me back down. Partly because I don't see the point in arguing over a game anymore, but also because with my dyslexia there's always a nagging doubt that I might have got the rules wrong any way. So I guess I cope with it by re-reading the rules and making sure I've got them right. I really, really nail rules to games down before I play them now.
Any way I hope your shoulder is on the mend, because there's little worse than losing the use of an arm. Even if it is temporary.
Thanks for the thoughts, and the response. One of the things that I have disliked about this whole experience is the pain killers. I don't like the way they make me feel and especially the way they affect my thought process and ability to think things though and comprehend them. One of my greatest fears with my deployments was that I would suffer a head wound or traumatic brain injury. I'm glad to hear that you are close to where you were, though I understand the frustration that goes along with that.
DeleteSometimes the way we compensate is to work a lot harder to achieve the same result. I certainly find that is true physically as I get older.
Thank you for sharing this.
Well aneurysms can be a real pain. Luckily I'm still here to annoy people and play games. I'm an incredibly lucky person in some respects, and I guess I thank my lucky stars every day I'm alive that I'm not 6 feet under playing Dreadfleet with Beelzebub as penitence for my wicked and sinful life. :P
DeleteAneurysms scare the shit out of me, frankly. My first experience with death was the death of my best friend's mother from one when she was 25. It seemed like a shocking betrayal on the part of her body that such a thing could happen. I'm all the more impressed with your blogging now, and I was plenty impressed before.
DeleteI am kind of the reverse. One of the few things I can do for any length of time is paint figures. I have not the physical stanima to play lng games if I have to stand up.Most other activities my brain switches off and I fall asleep even stood up! Not day goes buy where I don't tink how lucky I really am that I found painting again. It's been 16 months now and could be much longer or just a few more months. Honestly it's day by day but I have the support of the best wif in the world and after years of working all over the country I finally get to see the kids grow up.
ReplyDeleteShoulders can be really tough so go luck a ta l the improvmets you get but fownstructons don't push and educe the use of it, long term a slower recovery path is better for you.
Ian
Sounds like you're having a really rough time of it Ian. Whatever it is you are going through it is great that you have painting there to help you through it, and that you are staying positive. Whatever it is you are struggling with I hope it eases or gets better soon. You have my best wishes. :)
DeleteIan, I hope you recover as well. It's often the "small" things that help us muddle through, day to day. One of the grand things about our hobby is that there is something in it for all of us. I think any good hobby is more than just a way to kill time. It's something that helps us to keep the rest of our live in balance and to maintain our sanity in spite of the real world.
DeleteI wish you the best.
I've just got the usual problems, I've had a bad back since a work injury back in 1996, most of the time I just get on with it, my pain threshold had risen a lot since then, but every now and then it comes back with avengeance and lays me out for a couple of days. Then I could mention my eyes, even with my glasses I'll never have 20/20 vision, I've been told I now need bi-focals now, no wonder I can hardly see the figures I'm trying to paint!!!!
ReplyDeleteAh, the eyes. I have a large magnifying glass with a light built in. It attaches to the desk but the attachment is broken. Happily my vision is quite good, but it helps with the details. I suspect this one is something we all dread as we get older.
DeleteAaron, it sounds like your injury, surgery and recovery are more serious than I had thought - let me know if you need anything, I know how frustrating that can be.
ReplyDeleteThankfully, I am very healthy for the most part and have no issues that restrict what I can do or make this hobby difficult for me. I am extremely grateful for this and like you think about it often. Holly on the other hand has some neck and back issues which makes it difficult for her to sit and paint in a comfortable position for longer periods of time (I'm pretty sure all of us have some pretty terrible posture while painting these tiny models). That has dampened her enthusiasm for the hobby (at least painting) which is understandable, but she will still pick up the brush occasionally for a quick piece of terrain or something fun.
Hope to see you around the gaming table again soon.
~ Jonathan
Jonathan,
DeleteI appreciate the sentiments. I should be back at the shop next week. That is my hope at least. I also have some surprises for X-Wing, so that makes me even more anxious to get back down there.
I'm sorry to hear about Holly. It is tough to maintain good posture when painting. It's actually something that has been a problem for me as my other shoulder, the one not operated on this time, has issues and cramps up badly when I paint for more than half an hour or so.
Aaron, this story hits home on many levels. First, I want to say I hope your shoulders mend well for you. You are exactly right. Once we lose something, we realize how much we'd like it back.
ReplyDeleteIn the last year, I picked up a wicked case of tinnitus with sensitivity to moderately sound. There are many worse things life deals us but for me, concerts, bars, restaurants, movies and such are out. Even with earplugs. The flip side is that painting has been my salvation as I adjust to the new reality. When I paint, I don't notice the ringing and I don't think about anything except the figures I'm working on. Its almost zen-like and for that, I'm grateful.
Time will take away my vision and steady hand. When that happens, I shudder to think but in the meantime, I try to paint every day.
I'm sorry to hear that Monty. It's hard to be social with all of those things out of the question.
DeleteI agree with you about the painting. When I get into the groove it is almost zen like. It's kept me sane the last few years, and that is the part that I am missing right now. My shoulder is making good progress but it is still just too painful to paint. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel though.
Luckily, a tabletop game isn't too loud so I still have that! I know someone else always has it much worse. This summer, I was at a friend's house for a smallish party and I went out on the deck because it was getting loud inside. Then a guy I'd never met came out and said "its too loud in there." Turns out he was an ex Marine, 36 years old with the same issues. That poor guy was way too young for this.
DeleteI'm glad you got a good report, although a complete rebuild...ouch. Keep up the mending and rehab (I assume) and when you can paint again, it will be golden! Now I'll go read some of your LoTR reports. Always loved that stuff but nobody I know plays it.
LotR is a great game. Simple rules, some old style mechanisms, but I like it a lot. I hope they don't screw it up when they turn it into the Hobbit Strategy Battle Game next month.
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